Hank's Orange Soda
12 fl. oz.
glass bottle
Hank's Root Beer Co., Philadelphia, PA
cold, no ice

The modern world is busier than ever, so much so that no one has time for introductory sentences like this one. So I'll get right down to it: Hank's is a fine little orange soda. Not sublime--it lacks creaminess, for one thing--but it's far from something you'd throw at a raccoon. It also is the only orange soda I've ever encountered with "orange juice concentrate" listed as an ingredient. This may or may not help the flavor, but certainly gives kids a leg to stand on when begging their mothers to buy it. "Come on, Ma! It's got real orange juice in it!"

I say that Hank's Orange is basically McDonald's Orange Drink, but with carbonation. Kate disagrees, saying that's too harsh--but I like McDonald's Orange Drink. Hank's is tangy, but not chemical-harsh; it's sweet, but not a tongue shriveller. It has that licking-a-pinecone taste common to a lot of orange soda (could it be the ingredient called "ester of wood rosin"?), but not to an overpowering degree.

"I could drink another without complaint," Kate said. "Yes, but would you?" I asked. She paused, then said, "I guess I'm just not a big fan of orange soda." Friends, if you want to know what your spouse is really like--who you really married--serve them a Hank's. It's like a truth serum. (I looked for "truth serum" on the ingredients list but couldn't find it. Bush has really gutted the FDA.)

Final verdict: This nice little soda is the exact shade of my buddy Hank's hair. Coincidence? The world just doesn't work like that, friend.

KP: 6 of 10
MG: 6 of 10